I don't lie.
I don't cheat.
I don't hit people.
I help friends move.
I bum homeless people cigarettes, even if I'm low.
When I had a car, I would give people rides.
I don't steal.
But, somehow, I always seem to be the bad guy because I didn't do something that someone wanted me to. Or, I don't feel a certain way about someone. Or, I didn't say something that you wanted me to.
Well, guess what... You'd better load up on the Xanax, because life is gonna be really hard. Do you need someone to blame? Fine. Go ahead and blame me. It won't make the problem go away, but at least your conscience is clear.
Here's the skinny:
I am a single man. Yes, I occasionally get laid. However, one has told me that she's fallen in love with me. I don't feel the same way. I enjoy her company, we have fun together, but I'm not in love with her. That's just the way it is. The problem is, I keep on getting guilt tripped because I don't feel the same way as her. Not only from her, but from mutual friends, acquaintances, etc. She keeps asking me, "Why can't you just be with me?" "I'm tired of being the other woman!" (Even though I spend most of my time with her.) "
Because I don't want to be. Simple as that.
Now, here's the REALLY fun part:
People "warned" her about me when we started seeing each other. They told her not to fall in love with me because I would "stomp on her heart". Like I'm some kind of douche bag who gets women to fall in love with me, and then hurt them just to watch them cry.
Bottom line: I'm a terrible person because I don't want a relationship with you. You, and our mutual friends, try to make me feel guilty for this. As if I've done something deliberate to hurt you. I haven't. I've told you the truth the entire time. You have 3 other people who are in love with you, but you don't want them. Sound familiar?
Want to know what I think? I think you're just upset with me because you can't get what you want. Very well. I'll be the bad guy. So be it.
I'm sure the young woman you speak of would be heartbroken if she read this. I'm also sure that she doesn't think you're a bad guy just that it may not be the time for the two of you. She knows she has issues to resolve in her life and that's probably why she is taking a trip to clear her head and think about some things. She also knows that she is in no place to try and have a relationship right now because of these issues.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure she didn't like that her friends were hassling you and telling her that you were a heartbreaking asshole but she knows you and knows that's not what you are about. She knows you wouldn't intentionally hurt someone if you could help it. You are a great person you shouldn't feel like the bad guy because someone that's all screwed up in the head fell in love with you and you can't return the feelings. Such is life and I'm sure that she will either get over you while she is gone or try not to pressure you as much when she gets back. Whatever happens I'm sure she will miss you while she is away.
I'm sorry you're going through that. That sucks. But no, you're not a bad person. Having known you almost 20 years, having dated you a few times, and having you continue to be one of my most cherished friends, I feel like I can say that with some certainty.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough for women to process that situation. I know. I've been there. It forces us to recognize that we're not as special as we think we are. Women are raised reading fairytales about being "the one" and being so unique and special that there's only 1 of us in the world. We read stories about princesses meeting a prince who will look at no one but her. But the truth is, with a world population of almost 7 billion people, it's very likely that there are plenty of people just like us and, more alarming to us, many people who are more special and unique then us. This terrifies most women. It used to terrify me.
When I was younger, if I cared about a guy and he didn't return the emotion I was crushed and thought he was a dick. As I've gotten older, I've accepted that moments are just that: moments. Enjoy an experience with a person without putting labels or expectations on it.
I hope she and her friends can understand that concept. It fills life with much more joy and much less sadness, hurt, and regret.